Huh? That was my first reaction when I learned about emotional intelligence.
But that “huh” quickly turned into an ah-hah moment: soft skills were the missing link in sales training.
I was well-versed—and very good—at teaching consultative selling skills. Yet I kept seeing a similar pattern. Salespeople knew what to do, however, didn’t do it consistently or effectively.
Fifteen years later, I’m still working with sales leaders solving this challenge by integrating emotional intelligence into their sales training programs.
Let’s look at how EQ shows up across the sales cycle—and why it drives results.
Prospecting: Delayed Gratification Wins
Many sales leaders agree prospecting is the hardest part of selling. Yes, marketing helps open doors. But most salespeople still must create opportunities—new business or expansion within accounts.
That’s where the EQ skill of delayed gratification comes in.
Salespeople with this skill:
- Do the hard work of crafting customized value propositions by product, industry, decision-maker, and incumbent.
- Analyze wins and losses instead of avoiding the data only to make the same selling mistakes.
- Invest time in building relationships beyond email and social media. Building a strong network and referral partners requires building trust, which takes time.
- Practice. Cold calls, voicemails, videos, and referral conversations don’t improve by accident.
Salespeople with delayed gratification skills win more business because they’re not chasing instant gratification behaviors or actions.
They understand that the race isn’t always to the swift—but to those who keep running.
Discovery: Empathy and Impulse Control Matter
Discovery is where prospects “discover” whether the salesperson is more interested in presenting their solutions or interested in learning the root cause of the prospect’s challenge.
Books, sales managers and sales trainers give salespeople great questions, but without impulse control, those questions don’t matter. The moment a buying signal or pain point appears, some salespeople pounce on it like a sumo wrestler, turning the conversation into a feature dump instead of a dialogue.
Impulse control allows the salesperson to hear a challenge and manage their emotional response and desire to jump in too soon with advice.
Underdeveloped empathy compounds the problem. These salespeople aren’t fully present so they miss shifts in tonality, changes in body language, and emotional cues. They miss the real conversation, one that is often not spoken.
A salesperson that isn’t observing is also not adapting. And that’s why deals stall—or die.
Budget: Assertiveness Prevents the Vendor Trap
Budget conversations often trigger discomfort.
When prospects say, “Just put something together,” non-assertive salespeople comply and default to the hope and pray strategy. They hope and pray somehow things will work out.
They go along to get along writing and end up writing one more practice proposal.
Assertiveness allows a salesperson to respectfully ask for what they need. And what they need is clarity and qualification. Is this prospect willing and able to invest in their services?
Lack of assertiveness costs organizations millions by keeping salespeople stuck as transactional, price driven vendors instead of trusted advisors.
Decision-Making: Confidence Closes Bigger Deals
Complex decision processes require multiple EQ skills: delayed gratification, empathy, problem-solving—and self-regard.
Deals are lost every day because salespeople are intimidated by the C-suite. They may ask the right questions and present the right data, but their delivery lacks confidence—and lack of confidence is often translated to lack of competence.
You can train skills.
You can teach stories.
But if a salesperson doesn’t believe they belong in the room, the buyer feels it.
Developing self-confidence means coaching salespeople out of limiting beliefs. It’s helping them use empathy to understand what their decision makers are thinking.
A Reality Check for Sales Leaders – Soft Skills Drive Hard Sales Results
When emotional intelligence is developed alongside selling skills, execution improves, confidence rises, and revenue follows.
That’s why emotionally intelligent sales professionals win more business.
Good Selling and Leading!